17 Signs You’re A Pizza Snob – Food Republic

Is there any food more arrant than pizza ? Of course not. It ’ s portable, cooks in minutes at impossibly high heat. It ’ s even good cold, for crying out forte. And yet, if you know from pizza, like very know from pizza, you know it can besides be less than arrant, besides. That does n’t make you a snob, though, does it ? hera are 17 signs that you are … Is there any food more perfective than pizza ? Of class not. It ’ s portable, cooks in minutes at impossibly high heating system. It ’ sulfur flush well cold, for crying out loud. And even, if you know from pizza, like very know from pizza, you know it can besides be less than perfect, besides. How dare certain establishments pass off their boggy cheese and sauce on bread for pizza pies ( ! ! ! ), you rant. Take heart, you ’ re not alone. If you find yourself identifying with the postdate signs, you might be a full-blown pizza snob .
1. You pizzablog. And, yes, you use the term as a single word — an active verb — even as the entitle on your business card. As in, this conversation happens. q : What do you do ? A : Oh, I ’ m a pizzablogger .
2. You’re a pizzaiolo groupie. Some guys toss dough and bake pies. But you only have eyes for truthful artistes, those mysterious Italian-ish men with brawny forearms and marinara-stained chef whites. Dom DeMarco. Anthony Mangieri. Carlo Mirarchi. Paulie Gee. If there were actor cards, you would own the box set.

3. Your Lamborghini? A wood-fired brick pizza oven. But not fair any wood-fired brick pizza oven. One that was forged in Naples, the pizza snob ’ south Mecca, by a 100-year-old kiln overlord — then brought brick by brick to America by a special club of Neapolitan monks who have been charged with the hallowed tax of transporting wood-fired brick pizza oven bricks since the Age of Aquinas .
4. You are a card-carrying member of the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana. This is the arrangement that regulates the standards of true Neapolitan-style pizza. Membership is normally reserved for master pizzeria. So how did you get approved ? Wouldn ’ t we like to know. Let ’ s good say you once found your way into the second pouch of that pizzaiolo you like to stalk. It wasn ’ thyroxine easy. But it was deserving it .
5. You are more than a little familiar with tomato varietals. You know your pry San Marzano dell ’ Agro Sarnese-Nocerino plums from your heirloom Corbarino tomatoes from your Piennolo vine tomatoes of Mount Vesuvius. actually, you have that last kind tattoo in the general vicinity of your genitalia — and when you ’ re having an cozy moment like to ask your partner how he or she “ likes these tomatoes. ”
6. Your pizzablog is so successful that you feel you have very crossover voter potential to start pizzaioloing yourself. But first base you must apprentice under a chief. Baby steps .
7. Regardless of where you live in America, you have made a pilgrimage to one of the pizza-happy Brooklyn neighborhoods for a pie. Midwood and Bushwick in particular .
8. You eat fior di latte by the bucket. You consider mozzarella made from bare cows deficient and believe american bison to be such superior dairy animals that you flush pour caffe latte di bufala on your dawn bowl of Cracklin ‘ Oat Bran .
9. You’re also pretty picky about basil. Who isn ’ triiodothyronine ? It should be bracing and peppery. Duh. But you refuse to admit that naming your daughter Margherita was going excessively far.

10. You’re well versed in non-Neapolitan styles of pizza. Including but not restrict to Roman-style, Sicilian-style, Greek-style, grandma-style, New York-style, Chicago-style, coal-fired New Haven-style and Providence, Rhode Island-style grilled pies ( insider shorthand : ProRI-gri-pi ) .
11. You can discuss the appropriate levels of char into the wee hours. And you make a point of hanging out with people who don ’ triiodothyronine find this impossible, those you know deoxyadenosine monophosphate well as you do that crust is key .
12. You think deep-dish pizza is cute. It ’ south fun to try on a lark. But you know very well that no one serious – not even in Chicago – very eats the stuff .
13. You think cheese-stuffed crust is an abomination. And you are right .
14. You think gluten-free pizza is sad. As in, in truth tragic. You donate regularly to celiac disease research .
15. You’re not averse to kooky toppings. Pizza-making is an art, after all. Why not throw Brussels sprouts, newly figs, venison sausage, grilled peaches, canadian bacon, a raw egg, even caviar on there. But you draw the line at chicken. Hey, you have to draw the line somewhere.

16. On dollar pizza: You secretly love it. But you make a boastful display of tsk when you pass by one of these joints with your chap pizza snob. little do you know they all secretly want to go in and wolf down a slice for a buck, excessively .
17. You live in New York City.
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